Shedding Light on the Shadows

This is quite possibly one of the hardest posts or things I've ever talked about in my life.
I've recently been doing some internal work on myself. Meaning I've been taking a deeper look into what makes me behave like I do and have such strong feelings about certain things in my life, specifically relationships. Why I'm not in one, why I have such strong feelings surrounding them and why I tend to give all of myself away on a silver platter to almost anyone who gives me the slightest attention...the whore achetype.

What I've shed light on is some of the darkest human experiences possible.
I don't want to yet go into detail about what I uncovered buried deep in my subconscious. And the things my young self experienced. I can only say I am now in the process of unearthing all of the remains and bringing them out into the world to be realized and lightened by love and light.
This process has given me the most freedom I've ever felt. I feel that my life up to this point has been unreal, a farce. I feel I have been robbed!
Robbed of one of the most precious parts about human experience...love...authentic Love!

I was so sick I would hate men because I was afraid they would take me soul, yet I would be hurt and want to die, if they didn't want me. A sick game I was playing at.

The strange thing about shedding light on this part of me is that now, I'm in a place of not knowing who I am. I mean the Ali me, I understand that I am a beautiful being. I'm in a space of finding out who Ali is Now. I guess that's the gift in it. If I am in a state of not knowing who I am and not living on that sickness anymore, than I can make myself!
I am Free to bring to BEing the Ali of my choice.
Blessed Be!!!! That is such a precious feeling!
I'm treading on such tender soil. I am being cautious and curious at the same time.
What beautiful seeds do I want to plant? What fruit do I wish to put in my basket for ripening?
I go with love and tenderness for myself in mind at all times. I feel like a young girl again, finding out that I can have in my life anything my heart desires...only this time, there is no voice in the background saying "not really."
There is no voice in the background, just a sweet, kind knowing that all is well and that I can be authentic, bringing into my life all the love I require to receive and give back...in a healthy, authentic way. I'm no longer tethered to a program or paradigm of shame, hurt and pain!
I'm FREE!!!!!
I feel the deepest love! I've never felt Love this Deep EVER!!! Not for me, not for anyone else. I never felt worthy of it!
I feel worthy of all kindness, love, tenderness, desire and Life it self!!! Life itself!
I've Never wanted to Live as much as I do RIGHT NOW!! And I've NEVER felt capable of giving love as BIG or as Deep as RIGHT NOW!!

Even though apprehensive of being out of the dark woods after being hid away for so long...I know that the things and beings I attract into my world will forever be different.
I will NEVER Be the same again!! I feel a gentle, calm smooth over my life and soak into the aching crevices and heal them.
I know I'm not done with this inner archeological site...I'm just done with this particular dig. This one was the missing link...all others will just be beautiful specimens for all to see.

Love and Light on your journey to the center of the world and back ~
Love,
Ali

~Within your own house dwells the the treasure of joy; so why do you go begging from door to door?